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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in lostmyshadow's LiveJournal:

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
11:01 pm
10:48 pm

i need to figure this shice out..



eff..Collapse )
Thursday, April 15th, 2004
10:03 pm
oh wow.. long time, long time.

well.. i'm actually just using this journal as a test thing.. so i can figure it out.. things out.. anyhoo.



http://www.sensesofcinema.com/images/directors/03/25/nightmare1.jpgCollapse )
Friday, February 6th, 2004
9:04 pm
Ashley is a little (very, very bad word)

that is right..

Ashley loves to sit on the computer all day and all night, chatting to her little friends.. she also has a little boyfriend who is over here right now.. They're both upstairs.. But Ashley throws the biggest fit ever when she gets disconnected from the internet.. She screams and says how much she hates whoever calls or whatever...

Now I have this friend names Kady.. When Kady calls my house, she calls the upstairs phone line (which disconnects ashley), but I couldn't care less.. But Ashley throws a fit because she gets disconnected. When I talk to Kady on the upstairs phone line, Kady can hear Ashley screaming for her to call the downstairs phone line (which doesn't disconnect her)in the background.

So I don't really know what happened since I wasn't home, but when I get home, Ashley tells me 'Kady called' and I was just like 'ok.. you don't need to scream at her for calling the upstairs' just because I knew she probably threw a fit.. But i didn't know what happened.

So a while later, I come downstairs, sign onto msn and Kady is online.. I say 'Hey' and Kady says something along the lines of 'your little sisters b/friend was bitching me out for calling the upstairs line' or something and I was like *gasp* 'WHAT? what happened?'.. She said 'he said something like 'call the downstairs phoneline for once, bitch'.. and that set me off.

Because it probably wasn't Andy (her boyfriend).. It was probably Ashley because she's the one that complains every time Kady calls.. JUST BECAUSE SHE GETS DISCONNECTED! I can't believe it.. I am so gonna kill her little preppy stuck up snobby .. ol;dfjklhjdsflhj.. oh.. my.. god.. you have no idea how upset I am right now.

I am gonna friggin KILL her. I would never ever in a million years do that to one of her friends.. ok.. she better watch her back now because she's gonna get it..

Current Mood: pissed off
5:28 pm
i am haley's little helper.
HALEY.. i am helping you.. trying to ayways.. this is just a test.. i repeat... JUST A TEST.
12:25 am
i don't know why..

But I looked at a picture of haley and just started to laugh.. hm.

HALEYYY.. I want you to come back to furrrrrbanks. We have some good times here. haha.

'we're concentrating on fallin' apart'. GOOD song.

so today was pretty boring.. Brother brought that girl over again.. When she was walking up the stairs, I heard her say 'I smell like coccaine'... yep.. Turns out my brother wants to 'do something' with her on Valentine's day. VALENTINE'S DAY sucks. Not because i have no boyfriend or anything.. just because its a really gay holiday.. A holiday for 'love'?? psh.. right..

Anyways, I went with my mom to the store today.. to buy bread because i wanted a sandwich.. but there was no bread so I was like 'MOM, lets go to safeway and get some bread' so we did.. and we payed for it in the Liquor store because my mom wanted cigarettes and while we were in there, this was this guy walking by the window and he looked at me and walked away, but then he came back and looked at me again, then left... creepy.. Then we left.

THE END! have a good day.

Current Mood: weird
Thursday, February 5th, 2004
12:32 am
once more..

I'm gonna see if this works..



TA DA!!    I love Conan...

And  I just realized that I went from Irritated to Amused to Mellow.. hmmhmhm.

Current Mood: mellow
12:24 am

I think I'm psychic..
My brother has been hanging out with this girl lately, and I knew there was something bad about her the first time I saw her. My mom was like 'she's not a party girl, into alcohol and drugs, is she?' and my brother was like 'no'... I find out tonight that she's a coccaine addict.. I knew it.

I can always tell that there is something bad about somebody.

He also had 2 other friends that I knew there was something bad about.. 1 of them turned out to be another coccaine addict that ended up in the hospital, the other got busted by another guys mom from finding pot in his coat pocket.

wow, I'm good.. I've never felt that way about his other friends... just those 3.

About the girl my brother hangs out with.. He knew she snorted coke. Just didn't want my mom to find out.. My moms co-worker has a younger sister in law thats friends with that girl and she knows shes an addict. thats how she found out.. But when my brother told my mom that she doesn't do it.. my mom told me 'oh yea, your brother said that she didn't do that stuff' and I told her 'I don't believe it for a second'.. thats' right biatch. I'm was right.

Wow, I'm blessed with the power of bad vibes.

Current Mood: amused
Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
11:32 pm
just here to complain..

its bothers me that people these days think that being depressed and crap think its 'the cool thing'. So stupid. They think its 'cool' to not have a lot of friends.. They think its 'cool' to be the outcast.. They think its 'cool' to have a messed up life... They think its 'cool' to be a loner.. y'know? They think its 'cool' to have problems... They think its 'cool' to hurt yourself.. They think its 'cool' to be depressed.. They think its 'cool' to be the 'uncool' one..  They think its 'cool' to not care what people think. They think its 'cool' to hate your life.

Y'know? But I know from experience that its not. Its not very cool at all. I've been this way all my life and i'm sick and tired of it but there's really nothing I can do. People need to freakin' understand that.. Its really not fun. They change the way they look and act just for attention. Its so cool to be unpopular.. Its so cool to be the outcast.. you know what? No its not. I'd rather be the person thats friends with everybody, rather than the person that nobody notices. I think I hate people..

Like when people judge you from a first glance  and think 'oh, she's gothic.. stay away'.  I'm not gothic.. Just because the way I look? C'mon people.. Gothic is a way people live. Gothic is NOT the way people look. Sure, somebody might wear a lot of black.. but think about it.. Maybe they like the color.. it doesn't mean they're 'gothic'.. Or like all those little popular girls now'days.. They look at you and think 'oh, she's 'punk' like me.. She must be cool too since its the thing everybody's doing these days. I should go be her friend'.. Psh.. You're not punk.. I'm not punk.. Punk is also a way of life.. Just because you own a pair of Chuck Taylors, wear Dickies or wear a tie around your neck doesn't mean your 'punk'.. It means you're another Avril. I remember back in the day when people who wore ties, converse and ripped pants, everybody was afraid of them.. Nobody cared. They were the 'dirty, bad people'.. Now Avrils' out and everybody does it. It MUST be cool. I hate trends..enough of the labelling. Its stupid.. People are stupid. People suck in general.

I don't care what you look like though.. I don't care what you act like.. unless you're an annoying person.. If you're a nice person, no matter what you look like, then you're cool. I don't care about the way you dress, the way you talk, what you are or aren't into.. If you're a nice person, then thats all that matters. BUT... But if you're pretending you're something you're not... then don't bother talking to me.. I don't like talking to fake, phony people. You've gotta be real, dress the way you really, truly want to and NOT try to be something else.. I'm just sick and tired of it..

I remember one time, this girl noticed my bracelets I was wearing.. Studs and some jelly bracelets.. So she came up to me and said "oh, you've got bracelets like me! That is so cool.. We should be best friends! Whats your name?"... That is exactly what she said to me.. I was just thinking 'ohh...that is bad'.

And other times, I was walking down the street with somebody.. They said 'Why won't (so and so) do crazy things in public?' and to me, that was like him saying 'Why won't (so and so) do crazy things in public? Its the punk thing to do and (So and so)'s obviously not very punk.'.... yea.. I don't know.

I also use to have this friend who shall remain nameless... Were best friends with for as long as I can remember.. middle school came around.. 7th grade to be exact.. Totally ditched me for the more popular girls.. I apparently wasn't 'cool' enough to hang out with anymore.. So she'd ditch me and hang out with the other girls... I was hurt but I figured 'hey, if she's that kind of person, I don't need to hang out with her'.. Just shows how good of a person she really was.. Freshman year of highschool, I had a conversation with her on msn. We talked pretty normally then she decided to call me.. So we talked and talked then out of nowhere she says 'are you punk?' and I was just like 'uh... no.. I'm me' and she was like 'Oh, oh yea.'.. THEN she goes talking trash about my little sister, saying 'oh, she looks trashy. She looks like a hooker.. She looks like a whore'.. I didn't know how to respond to that so I was just like 'yea, I gotta go' then said bye and hung up... Great friend.. Now recently She's been trying to talk to me. I guess she figures i'm 'hardcore punk' and she's like 'Oh! Have you heard that song!?' and I was like 'yeeea...' and she said. 'i heard it on the radio' and i was like 'i only listen to (so and so) radio station' and you know what she says? 'oh! Me too!!'.. then she's got these pictures on her computer that are anything BUT her..  I am NOT punk.. I am NOT gothic.. and I'm just gonna say that she tries WAY too hard to fit in.. She's confused and she needs to be guided by somebody that isn't me.. I honestly feel sorry for her..

I think that about sums it up.. So even though I have all these problems, I have 2 very good friends who ARE NOT fake and don't care what other people think of them and are both the complete opposite of me. So screw labels and SCREW everybody else and have a nice life.

Current Mood: enraged
12:49 pm

like, ohhhhhhh.. my god.. Its actually DAY TIME while I update! 12:50 PM.

anyways, i woke up to a really... hurting hip. It hurts.. because my "bed" is very dumb. Its not even a bed! Its an effing mattress on the floor.. i wouldn't even call it a mattress... ouch.

I'm gonna get muhself a pirate flag. I sure am. Don't know when, but i will have one. Yea, i was gonna get one a while ago, but we didn't go to Mr. Rock n' Roll. We went to Pirate records.. Just because its called Pirate records doesn't mean it sells pirate stuff though.. Sure, theres pictures of skulls with bandana's and crap all over and there IS a pirate flag (sigh) hiding the doorway behind the counter.. I should ask Sam to let me have it. that would be so cool..

My house is officially haunted. yep. I think it was 2 nights ago when I heard a noise and I looked in the living room and I saw some white misty looking thing behind the couch, heading towards the lamp.. I freaked out and got my mom. That was sooo scuuuurry.. And recently I've been hearing all these weird noises in the basement. Its not as scary as upstairs, but its pretty freaky.

So I still gotta get a job.. Maybe I'll wait until this summer.. But I probably won't be here this summer.. So I don't know what I'll do. Maybe.... I don't know. eff it.. EFF! I need money on my own. Can't be askin' ma and pa for muh cash.. pa gets angry... but WHATS NEW!? heh.. heh... OK..

I'ma go now.. yo ho ho.. BYE!

Current Mood: sore
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
2:52 am
2:45 am.

i'm just updating because i can.. it makes me feel computer smart.

Like somebody I know.. but they know a little more than they should.. its almost scary.


I want to watch tv, sort of. I don't watch tv a lot because I can never just sit there and stare at a box with moving pictures.. thats what I've always thought of tv... A box with moving pictures... no wonder they called it an 'idiot box' back in the day.

I'm writing. I've written everyday for like, months. But nobody has ever read what I've written.. except for whats on my ceiling but that doesn't count. I probably have about 10 notebooks of writing. Poems and crap.. Some I threw away but oh well.. I don't think its that good anyways.

So I started 2 paintings on a canvas a while ago.. I usually don't do that and thats probably why its taking me forever to finish just even 1 of them.. One of them is almost done.. I don't know what I'm gonna do with it when its done though.. my mom will figure something out. The other one I keep in my 'closet'. I think I want to finish that one before I finish the other. Don't know why. Its easier i think...

Well I'm going to bed.. and its early!! Surprise, surprise... early for me anyways. 2:50am.. heh. ok..


Current Mood: tired
Saturday, January 31st, 2004
8:50 pm
so ANYways...

She went upstairs.. Alexa did. Now I can put in a real entry. God, she's annoying.

So yesterday I went to Safeway with my mom.. When we were in the cereal isle, this guy came up to us and said 'excuse me... have you ever been to the spot?' and he showed us this slip of paper... Now on the paper, there was pictures of very muscular, shirtless men... and under the pictures, it read '18 +'... I laughed so hard. He wanted us to go to a male striptease. That is so unattractive its not even funny... really gross.. Guys with lots of muscle's alone is just gross.

Today I went to Fred Meyers.. I got a magazine. I was happy.. Then we went to Sears to get Alexa pants.. psh.. THEN we went to Bamboo Panda... great, great, great restaurant.. Except i had to wait nearly a half hour just for a box of Chicken Fried Rice.. HALF HOUR ALMOST! I've never waited that long in that restaurant before. Oh well.. at least I have my rice.. Then I came home and thats when Alexa wanted me rice.. I gave her a little bit after she started to annoy me like no other..

Welp.. I want to go find something to do besides sit on the computer.. Maybe I'll paint... Maybe I'll draw.. Maybe I'll play pool.. Maybe I'll sleep..

Who knows?

Current Mood: irritated
8:45 pm
alexa's dumb

alexa's dumb... she's right next to me.. she's laughing.. she wants my rice... but she's not getting it.. go away alexa.. 'no' she says... she already has rice.. 'not until i get half' she says.. SHE HAS HALF!.. yea she does.. go away.. i'm gonna hit her.. yes i am.. She backed away.. she's scared of me. stupid child.. i have in my hair... i hit her.. she's not getting rice.. SHE IS NOT GETTING RICE.. SHE ALREADY HAS RICE...

eff her.

Current Mood: annoyed
Friday, January 30th, 2004
4:20 pm
clunk.. hah... CLUNK.

Ashley just went upstairs.. my sister ashley.. She was playing pool with Alexa... and now Alexa's playing by herself.. GREG'S friend found a fishscale in her mouth when she was eating her lunch.. a tuna sandwich. thats SICK... at least we know it was Dolphin Safe. PFFFT.

THERES a show tonight.. I doubt I'll go... I need to go search for my pirate flag. I KNOW Mr. Rock n' Roll has one. They should, anyways.

My hair is sick again. The color is BROWN when it should be BLACK.. so i should dye it sometime.. later.. again. I need to go do something... My sister told me I was paranoid.. I think its true.


spaghettio's... yes... mmm...

Current Mood: bored
4:57 am
Yo ho ho..

First of all.. me earing was all twisted. I don't like that... so I fixed it. (all my typing just go erased for no reason.. meanie).. its GREEN! my favorite color. its a HAPPY POST! haha.. yea right..

Wow, I like Coheed and Cambria. "over and out captain". His little lyric. I love it.. Theres something in my eye. Theres always something in my eye.. I hate it. I should get glasses just to protect my eyes.. like a shield. Like people that need glasses have instant protection. The world would be a happier place if everybody wore glasses to shield their eyes from evil.

Its 5 in the morning and I have a headache. I've been up since 1:30, yesterday afternoon. I really should sleep. I need to get on a schedule.. I think I said that before. Eh, i have issues.

"PASSED OUT IN YOUR YAAAAARD" <=== little bit of cursive.. That one line reminds me of this drunk native eskimo guy that passed out in my yard a very long time ago. My mom called the cops.. haha..

i need to MEET NEW PEOPLE.. argh. I only hang out with 2 people. Kady and Ashley. Yep. And thats like once every few weeks... Last weekend we went swimming at FAC.. That was fun.. There were nasty naked woman walking around the locker rooms. It.. uh.. I didn't like it. I covered myself up. I didn't change in the CHANGING ROOM because they were nothing but like a little blue western swinging gate thing. Like the size of a pillow almost... So I changed in the bathroom Stall. The one furthest away.. even though there were only 2. Ashley changed in the one next to me. So we stood under the showers first, then sat in the sona for a good 20 minutes, talked with this lady, then went to the pool. It was fun. Then we got out probably 45 minutes later.. not very long but it was cool.. then we sat in the steam room.. We got in trouble because we made a mess with the sink. This lady came in and was like 'you girls need to clean up the mess you made' and we were like 'ok.' but got dressed and left. We always get in trouble.. Everywhere we go. I swear.. Kady's foster dad came and picked us up and took us to C&J's to eat. I didn't eat.. I was going to The Sombrero anyways.. so Kady left with her foster dad.. then like, 10 minutes later, Ashley's dad came to get her.. so I was all by myself.. seriously.. there was nobody else in the restaurant besides me and the cooks... a good 15 minutes later, my mom finally comes and get me.. brings me home.. then my uncle chuck picked up me and my sister and my dad and we went to the Sombrero for my sisters birthday.


Alright, well.. I think my house is haunted.. i keep seeing things moving at the corner of my eye. And shadows moving.. and its really scary and I think I'm paranoid and being in the basement isn't helping.. I'm gonna go now. I'll write.. oh my gosh.. I'll write later.. bye bye.




Current Mood: tired
Sunday, January 25th, 2004
11:23 am
i don't know

Current Mood: blah
3:30 am
aight, aight...
yo.. now dis is how iss goin down.

I'ma type in muh lil journal get up.. and YOU'S GONNA READ IT!

ok, yea, so this is just the beginning of everything. ENJOY!
3:11 am
i am talking with you.. on the telly!

you had just told me.. that you were bouncing off the walls again.

ohh whoa.oh.
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